About 12 years ago, when our family was going through a challenging time, Charlie and I decided to do a family mission statement. We both had certainly put lots of time into crafting such statements for our companies – where are we going, what do we value. Why not one for our family?We set to work and ended up with one word. RELISH. An acronym for Respect, Encourage, Love, Inspire, Share, and Help. We posted it on the fridge and it helped to change our lives. But that’s a story for another day.
On the evening of the day we buried Dad, no one had much of an appetite for dinner. But no one was ready for sleep either. About 9 p.m., we set off for Steak ‘n Shake in Columbus. Sitting around the table – Jess and Josh opposite Charlie and me, Kate in a chair at the end of the booth, we talked about the hole in our family. Dad had been the glue – he kept us connected, made us laugh, brought perspective to the situations we encountered in life, loved us unconditionally. What did we look like without him? And how did we honor his memory and all that he had taught us?
We started around the table – what do we value? What do we choose? One by one, we shared our thoughts. As we did, our grief began its transformation – the sense of loss morphed into the realization of how much of Dad could never be gone, the things he gave us were embedded in our DNA. The sadness became hope realizing that we must, and would, go on, showing up in the world as responsible, loving people choosing to live in awareness, taking responsibility, cherishing each moment, and laughing as much as possible.
Out of that time and that conversation came our Family Creed. It is a visual reminder of two key facts – life is finite and we are responsible for what we do with the time we have. Carl Rogers says that “to recognize that ‘I am the one who chooses’ and ‘I am the one who determines the value of an experience for me’ is both an invigorating and a frightening realization.” Our Family Creed helps to take the fear out of this realization and allows us to embrace ambiguity and possibility and hopefully to bravely continue the process of becoming all that God created us to be, unique and precious individuals privileged to share this journey together and call each other family.
