Executive Choices

There were two of President Obama’s choices during inauguration that earned him some negative press. Firstly, his choice of Rick Warren to pray at the swearing-in ceremony and, secondly, choosing to acknowledge the nonbelievers in the nation. The lack of support for Warren has to do with his lack of support for gay rights. As for the use of the term “nonbelievers” – here it is in context from a transcript of Obama’s speech.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers.

What I found so interesting was not Obama’s choices, but rather the way people responded. Although I don’t agree with Rick Warren’s stance on gay rights, should he be excommunicated? Can I allow that to be the primary factor for determining his qualification as Chief Prayer Giver at a national service? If only people with whom we agree 100% on every issue are invited, how big can our party be? As for “nonbelievers,” brace yourself, it’s true. Not everyone in the USA believes in God. It’s not even a requirement for citizenship. What were those founding fathers thinking?

Now the pomp and circumstance is over and it’s time for work. Everyone seems to be saying we need to work together. It seems a monumental task for modern politicians who are more comfortable with conflict versus compromise, talking versus listening, and blame versus solutions. But the underlying question is more profound – are we, the general population, ready for a different tune from DC and from the press? The fact that Warren and “nonbelievers” caused such a stir makes me wonder.

When we meet someone with a different view, how often do we ask them to explain their reasons for thinking that way? Or do we launch into refuting them, denying their claims, and building our own case? There’s a saying “seek first to understand, then be understood.” Talk about a buzz-kill. When I am on a roll, getting one good punch in after another, why would I possibly want to shut it down? I might just have a convert here – whether I’ve browbeaten my opponent into admitting that white sauce is better than red sauce with pasta or that defined-benefit plans are superior to defined-contribution plans. Who cares the issue? The point is to be right.

Right?

Wrong. Wrong because right is such a subjective construct. A story to illustrate:

A rabbi is holding court in his village. Schmuel stands up and pleads his case, saying, “Rabbi, Itzak runs his sheep across my land every day and it is ruining my crops. It’s my land. It’s not fair.”

The rabbi says, “You’re right!”

But then Itzak stands up and says, “But Rabbi, going across his land is the only way my sheep can drink water from the pond. Without it, they’ll die. For centuries, every shepherd has had the right of way on the land surrounding the pond, so I should too.”

And the rabbi says, “You’re right!”

The cleaning lady, who has overhead all this, says to the rabbi, “But, Rabbi, they can’t both be right!”

And the rabbi replies, “You’re right!”

(Thanks to Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein, authors of Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes – one of my favorite reads last year – for this little tale.)

What if we could give up the pursuit of being right? What if we could feel comfortable and confident enough in our personal beliefs and opinions that we didn’t need to press them on others? What if we could actually recognize that the other side might have something to offer – that two heads might truly be better than one? Call me a dreamer, but at least I don’t feel all alone anymore. Obama has an even bigger dream.

We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

Even if we have to use a microscope, let’s search for that common humanity, nurture it, strengthen it and bring it into the light of this new day.

That's no bull, that's an Ox

Things are gearing up here this week for the Lunar New Year, 2009 being the Year of the Ox. Markets are well-stocked with all the necessary supplies for the holiday, bulk teas, all sorts of paper decorations, red, of course – a most auspicious color. There’s also a variety of dried fishes - prawns, jelly fishes, squid. I wish there was a way to share the aroma in this market – culture shock to the eyes and nose.



It's not just about the food though.






So the new year begins again. It’s kind of like a mulligan in the game of life. If you failed to keep your new year’s resolutions, or even make any, not to worry. You can resolve to do whatever you want to do whenever you’re ready. Any day can be new year’s day.

Gong Xi Fa Cai.

TCK in the Oval Office

We’ve been dragging these past couple of days having stayed up until around 3 a.m. to follow the inauguration events in D.C.  It was just too exciting.  Who could sleep through that?  Third culture kid (TCK) is a term I learned after moving to Singapore.  These are kids who spend part of their childhood outside of their native country.  As a result, they develop their own unique, or “third” culture – not exactly like their parents, not exactly like their hosts.  They have a passport from their day of birth and are used to long international flights, living next door to people of different religions, and hearing multiple languages in everyday life. Obama is a TCK having spent some of his early years in Indonesia.  I (finally) read “The Audacity of Hope” over the holidays – if I had read it before the election, I would have voted for him twice.  Or is that only legal in select states?

Brace for impact

Some of my greatest fears:

Death of a loved one
Extreme physical pain
Being poor
Wars that go on forever
Hatred and ignorance
Looking like a fool

Oh, wait. Scratch that last one. Used to scare me, but with experience, it’s lost a lot of its ferocity.

Everyone seems to have something to say about fear, FDR being the first to come to mind. “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Hmm…

A German Proverb advises that “fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” Evidently, it can also make the wolf materialize from nothing, as that poor boy who cried wolf can confirm. But I mean really – what civilized people would ignore his cries and let him be eaten just because he pranked them a time or two before?

Then there’s a Moorish proverb – “he who fears something gives it power over him.” And the positive approach in “feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.” The writer Mencken says “the one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.” Hey, what’s wrong with craving a little safety, I ask? He makes it sound like a wimpy desire. Patton offers this more balanced perspective. “There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.” Oh, the wisdom to know the one time from the other.

But on magical days like today when planes crash into rivers and everyone walks off alive, fear is overcome by hope. Here’s to survival!!

Fear

As a coach, I can't help it...asking questions is part of my DNA. Here's the first one, many more to follow!

What are you most afraid of right now?

Beginnings

14 January and I’m keeping one of my resolutions – start a blog! So here we go. Some of you have been with me since my early writings, Geneva Notes, and most recently, Sing Songs. I still have so much to say (imagine that!) so I’ve decided to give the blog format a try, making my notes more frequent, sometimes shorter, sometimes more in-depth, and most importantly, more interactive. Dialogue please.

The earlier journals, Geneva Notes and Sing Songs, were reflections on expat life, first in Switzerland and then in Singapore. With this blog, I hope to cover a variety of topics – life, work, family, money, travel, food, who knows? I considered starting a few different blogs, focusing more narrowly on particular subjects – but opted for this more integrated approach. In my coaching, it has become clearer that we cannot dissect and compartmentalize ourselves. What happens in one area of our lives shows up somehow in other areas. We are created to be whole beings. Anything less is a life short-changed.